Attachment = Suffering

"Suffering is a natural alarm, warning us that we're attaching to a thought; when we don't listen, we come to accept this suffering as an inevitable part of life. It's not."

-- Stephen Mitchell

Pain is part of life. You stub your toe, you break your wrist, you grow old and infirm. Pains, basically physical in nature, will find you sooner or later, as long as you have a body in which they can take root.

Suffering, however, is another matter entirely. Pain is a given; suffering is optional. Suffering comes from not accepting reality, not accepting pain, disappointment, and unfulfilled desires as a part and parcel of life. Suffering, as well known religious scholar Stevie M points out, comes from our attachment to our thoughts, i.e. the way we think life should be.

Normally we think of our attachments as being to people, like lovers, family or friends, or to things, like our home, car, or the latest and greatest techno-gadget. But in reality our attachment is to our thoughts about these people and things, and especially our fears of losing them.

Attachment is by its very nature based on fear and desire. We want life to turn out a certain way, and we're attached to those preferred results. The reason attachment produces inevitable suffering is that we never have complete control over those results, so we are always plagued by the ghosts of fear.

In our culture, most people mistake attachment for love. They think that without attachment, we would be cold, emotionless drones. Nothing could be further from the truth. The detached life is a joyful life because you can revel in the pleasures of each moment without worrying about sustaining them. You know that they will inevitably pass, and you're fine with that.

Anytime you start to suffer, you know attachment has crept back into your cranium. By releasing your desire to play God, your desire to have the world fulfill your wants and assuage your fears, you align yourself with reality, with what is. Reality may include pain but never suffering. Suffering always lies between your ears.

So, enjoy all the nouns -- all the people, places, things, and events in your life. Let them be exactly who and what they are. Let go of your mental images of what should be. Reality is fine just the way it is. The sooner you can accept that, the easier it will be for both you and it to change.

Nothing

"I expect nothing. I demand nothing. I refuse nothing."

-- Nisargadatta Maharaj

Imagine living your life without expectations, without demands, and with total acceptance. Can you do it? Not the living -- just the imagining. Even imagining such a life is hard for me to do because our expectations, demands and refusals are so subtle and insidious.

We enter each day with expectations, be they grand, catastrophic, or somewhere in between. We may not think of ourselves as demanding, but all our wishes are just wimpy demands. Everytime we think that reality "should" be different than it is, we are being psychologically demanding, even if we don't manifest those demands verbally. And don't even get me started on refusal! Not only do we refuse so much of what life offers us -- from free drinks to life lessons, form laughter to the beauties of nature -- we refuse to even notice the opportunities placed before us daily, and instead complain about the economy, the weather, our partners, or the ineptitude of our favorite sports teams.

Imagining a life sans expectations, demands and refusals is the first step. Then make one day, perhaps today, a day to gather data. Keep count of exactly the times throughout the day you find yourself expecting, demanding and refusing. Don't try and change your behavior one iota, just keep track of those three things. This will give you a baseline reading, show you the scope of the challenge that Maharaj's nine small words represent.

Finally, let go! Let go of E, D & R. See what life is like when you accept it on its own terms rather than compel it to remake itself in your image. You may be surprised. You may find letting go of these three powerful patterns damn near impossible to do. At least at first.

But then, if you keep at it, you may discover that reality is not such a bad thing after all, and that you have much more energy to enjoy it when you are no longer in a battle with it. First be E, D, & R free, then just see.

No Answer

"There ain't no answer.
There ain't going to be any answer.
There never has been an answer.
That's the answer."

-- Gertrude Stein

Whether we're consciously aware of it or not, we're all looking for the answer. The answer to "What's it all about, Alfie?" The answer to the meaning and purpose of, the reason for, life.

But entertain in your mind for a moment the possibility that perhaps there isn't one. No answer. No reason, no purpose, no meaning. What if life just is? What if you just are? No cognitive, theological or theoretical underpinnings, just mere naked existence.

Scary or freeing? Or both?

In the Land of No Answer, the search is over. Self-improvement dead in the water. Enlightenment a quaint concept. Isness rules! This is it. The past is meaningless. The future, a mere figment of your imagination.

How do you "properly" live if there is no answer, if even the search for the answer is absurd? You breathe in, and then breathe out. You take each moment as it comes. You let life unfold. You're not dumb as a stump. In fact, you're more awake, more alive, more aware -- you're just no longer a seeker. The questioning look in your eyes vanishes. You're not looking for a guru, an expert, the next self help tome. You're just alive, just you.

Today's a great day to get comfortable in your own skin, in your own mind, in your own Spirit. It begins with relaxing and letting go. Letting go of your need for an answer. Letting go of the search for an answer and being, just being, right here, right now.