Attachment = Suffering

"Suffering is a natural alarm, warning us that we're attaching to a thought; when we don't listen, we come to accept this suffering as an inevitable part of life. It's not."

-- Stephen Mitchell

Pain is part of life. You stub your toe, you break your wrist, you grow old and infirm. Pains, basically physical in nature, will find you sooner or later, as long as you have a body in which they can take root.

Suffering, however, is another matter entirely. Pain is a given; suffering is optional. Suffering comes from not accepting reality, not accepting pain, disappointment, and unfulfilled desires as a part and parcel of life. Suffering, as well known religious scholar Stevie M points out, comes from our attachment to our thoughts, i.e. the way we think life should be.

Normally we think of our attachments as being to people, like lovers, family or friends, or to things, like our home, car, or the latest and greatest techno-gadget. But in reality our attachment is to our thoughts about these people and things, and especially our fears of losing them.

Attachment is by its very nature based on fear and desire. We want life to turn out a certain way, and we're attached to those preferred results. The reason attachment produces inevitable suffering is that we never have complete control over those results, so we are always plagued by the ghosts of fear.

In our culture, most people mistake attachment for love. They think that without attachment, we would be cold, emotionless drones. Nothing could be further from the truth. The detached life is a joyful life because you can revel in the pleasures of each moment without worrying about sustaining them. You know that they will inevitably pass, and you're fine with that.

Anytime you start to suffer, you know attachment has crept back into your cranium. By releasing your desire to play God, your desire to have the world fulfill your wants and assuage your fears, you align yourself with reality, with what is. Reality may include pain but never suffering. Suffering always lies between your ears.

So, enjoy all the nouns -- all the people, places, things, and events in your life. Let them be exactly who and what they are. Let go of your mental images of what should be. Reality is fine just the way it is. The sooner you can accept that, the easier it will be for both you and it to change.

Beyond Sentimentality

"If I were God, I certainly wouldn't want people to love me sentimentally. It's too unreliable."

-- Teddy in J.D. Salinger's short story "Teddy"

In our culture we too often mistake sentimentality for love. We almost universally equate attachment with love.

Love is neither sentimentality nor attachment. Love is ruthless! Love is totally fierce and unconditional. It is a blazing fire, not a warm bath.

True love is not even an emotion -- it is a state of consciousness. It is a state of heart-on-fire, unconditional positive regard. It requires nothing in response, nothing in return. Love is never bartered or exchanged, it is always given freely, almost uncontrollably.

In a certain state of consciousness, at a certain point in time, you realize that love is the only rational way to approach everyone, to approach life. You don't pick and choose whom to love -- you either love all or none at all. You become love rather than give love.

And in that sense, you become God. A simple equation: God = love. You are love. You=God. Quit blushing! You knew it all along, you were just so willing to play along with the prevalent mindset that sees us all as separate sinners. Who knows why? Thank God, those days are over.

So, now, it's all about love. Love for God. Love for everyone. Love for yourself. No discrimination. Only love. Here, there; now, everywhere. What else is there? Nothing. Just love.