The Goodness of Gossip

"Gossip isn't scandal and isn't malicious. It's chatter about the human race by lovers of the same."

-- Phyllis McGinley

We all love stories. And we love talk about each other. It's a natural human trait. As long as we're not slandering another person with vile lies, we're just sharing specific reports on the human condition, and these reports can help us to both recognize our commonalities and celebrate our differences.

I didn't know Phyllis, but she was one of my grandmother's favorite writers, so I doubt that she was a nattering, old bitty who enjoyed verbally stabbing people in the back. I'll bet she, like most of us who are not too jaded or crusty to admit it, was a lover of the human race, a writer who relished hearing, and talking about, those few hundred humans she knew.

Just think: There are billions of people on the planet. And we know less than a handful. But those handful represent for us the entire human race. All our first hand knowledge about humanity comes through our relationships to this paltry, random cross section of individuals.

The other day on Facebook I saw an update that said "I'm glad I know so many weird, strange, different, wonderful, beautiful, marvelous individuals." I'm guessing that this woman also hears alot of really cool gossip! The more diverse the set of people you know, the larger your potential pool of knowledge about the human race. While all stories may embody some common themes and archetypes, the difference in the details is endless!

So, today gossip about your friends, acquaintances, coworkers, and family members alike. Don't discriminate -- be an equal opportunity gossip. And, if you have the time, go one step farther, and meet somebody new. Tomorrow, you'll be able to gossip about them, too!

A Storytelling Problem

"We have, as human beings, a storytelling problem. We're a bit too quick to come up with explanations for things we don't really have an explanation for."

-- Malcolm Gladwell. Blink, p. 69.

I understand very little. I drive, and I have no idea how the car works. Everytime I fly, I marvel at the fact that 200 overweight people in a big metal cigar can get stay aloft at 33,000 feet for the time it takes to get from here to there. Hell, I don't even have an inkling how my body works, but that doesn't stop it from working just fine, most of the time.

And yet many times we are seduced, both by our own ego and by others questions, into explaining many things about which we really don't have a clue. We think we know, and that's half the problem. In the strictest sense, "knowing" is not even possible because much of what we're explaining to each other takes place on a non-cognitive level.

Why are you attracted to the people that you're attracted to? You think you know. You can give us a laundry list of reasons, and yet none of them get at the heart of the matter. The secret of attraction is hidden somewhere the rational mind can't reach, which, if you think about it, or especially if you don't think about it, is just fine.

Which is also what most people say when asked "How you doing?" "Fine," they say, whether that adjective matches their current emotional state or not. But what about those friend, those annoying, nosy, really caring friends, who aren't satisfied with a "fine," but really want to know how you're doing. For them we make up a story to justify whatever our assessment of our current emotional state is. Most of the time, we could, without too much effort, come up with stories justifying any adjective that we choose, from super to shitty. There's no right answer to the question "How you doing?" there are just alternative stories. Instead of participating in the story-as-truth subterfuge, my favorite answer these days is the honest, but semi-belligerent sounding, "How the hell should I know?"

Stories are great! Stories are entertaining. The only problem is that stories, many times, make bad explanations. Tell them, share them, laugh at them. Whatever you do, just don't believe them.