Liking Overcomes Judgement

"My father says I'm a lazy son of a bitch and a disgrace to my heredity, but I don't care because I like him too much."

-- Clement Greenberg

People will judge you. No matter. Though it seems to be part of our nature to be judgmental, you don't have to judge them back. Instead, you can choose to focus upon what is good about them and simply like them regardless of their judgments of you.

It's not always easy to take the high road, but, as has been said many times, it's a lot less crowded! Many people go through life as if their only purpose is to generate opinions and make judgments. In other words, they waste a large portion of their time adding nothing of value to the world. And, even more absurdly, their opinions and judgments actually decrease, rather than increase, their own happiness!

Don't try and change them. It doesn't work. Don't fight fire with fire. Instead us the power of liking. Everybody (yes everybody!) has some stellar qualities. It's up to you, as a "relationship archeologist" to unearth those qualities no matter how hidden and moldy they may be.

Why? Because it's a helluva lot more fun than getting stuck in the judgmental cycle. Liking feels so much better than judging -- just give it a try!

Friction Love

"Love is kindled through friction."

-- Michael Berg

If you've been around the block more than once, even if you were still riding your tricycle, you know that you can love somebody, even when you don't necessarily like them or approve of their behavior. Love and like are not like two different temperature ranges but more like two distinct animals. An elephant isn't just a major mouse, nor a mouse merely a puny elephant. Liking is one thing, loving another, and as illogical as it sounds, not liking can sometimes lead to love.

Everytime you and a loved one overcome an obstacle together, make amends with each other, or find new mutual ground, you can deepen your love and take your relationships to a higher level. Finding ways to honor each other's differences while still reveling in your unity expands your love. Skillfully resolving and living through the so-called "bad times" just makes the good times gooder!

So, never turn down your love light in the name of just getting along. Never wish the people you love were just like you and that conflict would never rear its cantankerous head. Wishing against reality is always a losing proposition! Instead, as corny as it sounds, choose to see conflict as opportunity -- an opportunity to strengthen, deepen, and expand your love, to love more even as you temporarily like less.

Life is a friction dance. Sometimes there's a thin line between being really turned on and being rubbed raw, but it's a dance nonetheless. A dance of love. Through passion and chafing, through watusi and waltz, through ballroom and break dancing, your best choice is simply to dance on, dance on , dance on...