Raising Prostitutes

"Most of us were raised to become prostitutes. We have the illusion that with good behavior, good grades, lots of awards, pretty clothes, nice smiles, we can buy love. How many 'ifs' were you raised with?"

-- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

In most semi-functional families no one ever comes right out and says, "If you get straight A's, Mommy, will love you more." Or, "If you make the team, you also win Dad's love." But the unspoken message is still there. Approval is part of a complex barter system that follows the if/then formula.

True love, on the other hand, is unconditional. In fact a really good definition of love is "unconditional positive regard." It is not to be won. It is not based on performance. It is not something for which you need to prostitute yourself.

True love says much more about the giver than it does the receiver. The receiver has not earned true love, but the giver has undoubtedly worked very hard to become a clear channel for it. For you see, you don't create love, you open to it. You channel it, in a sense, from the deepest, purest, highest, most powerful part of yourself. As a lover, you are called to remove the blockages within you, so that you become truly capable of both experiencing and sharing love.

So, today's assignment is threefold. First of all, give up trying to win others' love. Accomplishment, worthiness, perfection, have nothing to do with love. Love is not a meritocracy. Second, look within yourself, find the attitudes, judgments, and fears that keep you from expressing love, and let them suckers go! And last, but surely not least, go out there and love. Love freely, wildly, uninhibitedly! Don't make people jump through hoops to receive love. Just be love.