No Now

"You have to be able to say no in any given now."

-- Jennifer Michael Hecht. The Happiness Myth, p. 41

As long as you don't harm another person, you can do whatever you want. What's really important, though, is that whatever it is you do, you do at the appropriate time and don't overdue it. (And, of course, if it's illegal, it's really important that you don't get caught!)

Let's take alcohol for example. It's OK to have a couple of drinks. But if you have more than a couple drinks and you drive, you're putting yourself, your drivers license, and other people's safety all at risk. Furthermore, if you drink too much, too much of the time, whether you drive or not, you're putting your health, your relationships, your career, and your overall happiness at risk.

That's why it's important to be able to say no to any temptation, any activity, even any "good thing" at times when it is in your best interest not to do it. What passes for addiction in our culture is the inability, or perhaps the unwillingness, to say no. When you feel that you can't say no, even when you know it is better for you to say no, you've got a problem.

On a societal level we've all got a problem with discernment. We've forfeited our ability to discern between occasional, celebratory drunkenness and alcoholism. We've lumped a random puff of weed right in there with crack addiction. We've made anything outside of heterosexual monogamy a problem or a perversion. As the head lama in James Hilton's classic novel Lost Horizons said, "Everything in moderation." Even celibacy.

So, as post-modern folk, perhaps we need to learn to say both yes and no more often. Yes to things that may be a great deal of fun, no real harm, and yet outside of society's norms or our own limited comfort zones. No to dysfunctional behaviors and patterns we've developed over the years, and that we do a bit too often.

The really cool part is that the power is ours. As individuals we always have the opportunity to say yes one time and no the next. Consistency is not as important as our overall happiness and quality of life. We each create our own happiness mix. Unique, multifaceted, and oh, what fun!