Desire

"We all suffer the consequences of desire."

-- k.d. lang

k.d. lang made the above statement during an interview that aired this morning on CBS Sunday Morning. She said it in reference to her father leaving the family when she was 12 to run off with another woman. To her credit, k.d. said that she forgave him fairly quickly. And then, as if to express both her sympathy and understanding, she said, "We all suffer the consequences of desire."

And do we ever! No less than good old Gautma the Buddha, himself, said," Desire is the cause of all suffering." This little philosophical morsel is known in Buddhist circles as The Second Noble Truth. And while I hate to disagree with as illustrious a teacher as the Buddha, I'm not sure he got it quite right.

See, The First Noble Truth, is simply "Life is suffering." Or as I prefer to think of it, "There is suffering in life." No matter what you do, short of getting enlightened, you will always experience at least some suffering. That's just the way it is. But you will also experience great joy and wonder and happiness and contentment -- the polar opposite of suffering -- fleeting as they may be.

Granted, much of suffering is connected with desire -- both fulfilled and unfulfilled desire. You desire to be rich, or have the love of a particular person, or own a Ferrari, or sleep with Angelina Jolie, or Brad Pitt, and time and time again your desires are dashed upon the rocks of reality. And yea, it sucks, and yea, you suffer.

But just fulfilling your desires doesn't obliterate suffering. Haven't you ever gotten exactly what you wanted, experienced a momentary rush of happiness, and then five minutes, five hours, or five days later felt that familiar, gnawing, internal emptiness return? Unfulfilled desires create suffering, fulfilled desires create suffering; it seems like a no win situation.

But desire is natural. We all experience it. Is God, or Nature, such a bad programmer that unavoidable suffering is programmed right into the human system? I don't think so. I think if you look more closely at your own experience, and the experience of those around you, you will see that it is not desire that creates suffering, but rather attachment to desire. That one word "attachment" makes a all the difference.

You see, desire is part and parcel of life, even fun at times. It's a hot, jazzy rush, an energizing flash, that let's you know that you're really, truly alive. The paradox is that in order not to create suffering, you must balance desire with detachment. I know that sounds weird, but here's what I'm saying: It's OK to want it, whatever it may be, just don't be attached to whether you get it or not!

That's the understanding that the Zen Buddhists came to. It's not desire which causes suffering but the attachment to desire. In fact one definition of Zen is "Doing your damndest without giving a damn."

When desire arises, you have two intelligent options. One, you can do your damndest to fulfill it, while simultaneously not giving a damn whether you really do. (In other words, enjoy the journey, but don't worry about the destination, play the game with all your heart and forget about the score). Or two, you can do nothing except watch desire arise and watch it pass through you like a bad burrito, or, more poetically, like clouds in a Japanese sky. Either way you've faced desire with detachment.

What you don't want to do, what really will cause suffering both now and later, is to suppress the desire, push it away, or pretend it's not there. The only way to deal with desire is to face it with the most consciousness you can muster. Which, come to think of it, is really the only way to deal with life in all its many aspects.

So, beginning today, don't go unconscious in the face of desire. Don't use the fight or flight response. Watch it, play with it, enjoy it, but don't dare become attached to it. Dance lightly with desire, and you will find that it can be a vehicle of liberation rather than a cause of suffering.