Your Attention, Please

"Husbands are like fires, they go out when unattended."

-- Zsa Zsa Gabor

Nothing like a little bon mot from our favorite Hungarian philosopher, Zsa, Zsa Gabor. And, as usual, she's right -- attention is the lifeblood of every relationship. Attention is, on the emotional and psychological level, what blood is on the physical. And it's hard to live without either.

I remember seeing a New Yorker cartoon awhile back that had a panhandler who was not asking for spare change but was instead saying, "Spare a little eye contact?" We all crave attention, and in our culture, eye contact is one of the ways we bestow it.

As I write this I'm in Chicago, but I spend much of my time in a much smaller town. In Chicago, when you're walking down the street, very few people make eye contact. Eye contact acknowledges the existence of another human being, and most people here would just rather not acknowledge you.

And I'm sure they have their reasons. For one thing, just the sheer number of people makes it impractical to exchange pleasantries with, or even nod to, each one. Secondly, some of these folks are just pretty damn scary looking! People hate to even acknowledge that they share the same world with street people, gang bangers, and Republicans!

In small towns it's different, perhaps in part because the population is more homogeneous. People smile, nod, ask how you're doing, make eye contact, even with strangers, as long as they don't look too strange. The attention creates cohesiveness, community.

So, today's assignment (should you decide to accept it) is twofold. First, think about your relationships, both intimate and merely friendly. Which ones are in dire need of your attention to keep them from being like the fire that's "going out?" Once you've made this inventory, pour out some life-giving attention through an email, postcard, phone call, gift, dinner invitation, hot sex, or whatever seems appropriate.

Part two: Give attention, even if it's only eye contact or a smile, to at least one person you don't know who looks like they could really use a little extra acknowledgment. Pick a person that you normally wouldn't interact with, maybe even someone whose been marginalized by our society -- you know, the old, poor, disabled, etc. I'm not saying run down to Bad, Bad, Leroy Brown's neighborhood on the south side of Chicago and start asking "S'up?" to every bad ass on the street, but at least expand your comfort zone a little bit.

Attention is our way of nourishing our fellow earthlings. And a nourished person is a happier person. Do your part for planetary happiness -- pay attention today!