Half Ass Happiness

"If you can do a half-assed job at anything, you're a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind."

-- Kurt Vonnegut

In business and sports and education, the pundits are always crying out for excellence and quality. Nothing wrong with that. It's hard to argue against excellence and quality. But what about those of us who just aren't up to it? What about those of us who are not superstars or Rhodes Scholars or wunderkind, techno-billionaires?

Ah, don't dismay, there's still hope. As curmudgeonly, old Kurt so graciously pointed out, all it takes is a half-assed job to be much more successful than your average blind schmuck, who, buy the way, makes up, far and away, the majority of the population.

So, is the pursuit of greatness wearing you down? Forget about it! Claw your way up to mediocrity, and you'll do just fine. Enjoy surpassing the masses and quit comparing yourself to the rich, talented, beautiful people that the press seems so fixated upon. Flying under the radar of public acclaim pretty much guarantees you'll never be shot down.

Anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed. If you tried to be excellent at everything you did, you just wouldn't have time to do much of anything. You'd be a one trick pony who could play top notch classical violin, and that's about it. Or you'd be a chess champ or a theoretical physicist, or the world's number one expert on the nursing habits of the duck-billed platypus. But you sure wouldn't have time for all that farting around that you like to do so much. You wouldn't have time for aimlessly wandering the beach, or surfing the Internet, or drinking beer with your buds, or watching Casablanca for the umpteenth time.

Be a half ass and be proud. Half asses rule! Who wants to be a whole ass anyway?