Self-Acceptance

"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

-- Carl Rogers

Most of us have been taught that change begins with discontent, followed by effort. Rogers wants us to realize that acceptance is also an important component in the process. Fighting against who we are does not produce change. If anything, it produces backlash, both internally and externally. Acceptance of who we are frees up the energy of resistance and creates the space in which change is allowed to happen.

Look at yourself. Look at what you consider your worst qualities -- your laziness, or stupidity, or hot temper, or absent mindedness, or whatever it is that really bugs you about yourself. See it as clearly as possible and accept it as much as possible. Just sit with, or in, that quality. Don't fight it. Let it be and walk away and go and do something else.

Whenever the quality begins to emerge at anytime throughout your day see it, accept it, and see if you feel empowered to do things just a little bit differently. If so, make that small change. If not, let it be.

Once when I was 20 years old, and living in California with my girlfriend, I really needed a job. I'd looked everywhere but with no luck. One morning as I lay in bed not wanting to get up and pound the pavement, I said to my girlfriend, Barbara, "I'm just going to lie here in bed until somebody comes to the door and offers me a job." Less than ten minutes later there was a knock at the door. It was a couple from an apartment down stairs. Her mom owned a small business and needed a new employee. Was I interested? How could I say no? Accepting my laziness brought a job right to my door!

Now, if I was really entrepreneurial I'd write a book called How to Get a Job Without Getting Out of Bed! As it is, I think I'll just share the story with you.

So, make today Self-Acceptance Day. Since today is the 29th of February, and it only rolls around once every four years, you might want to take your self-acceptance beyond this one day, and make it an integral part of your life. Accept yourself first, change second.